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Monthly Wrap-up Edition

January 2046

War in Ends in Yet Another Glorious Victory

(RP) Valetta, Malta, December 24. Vice Admiral Booker Lincoln accepted the surrender of the last Turkish troops on Malta today in accordance with the preliminary armistice agreed to two days earlier. Lincoln announced he was satisfied that the new sultan, Mustapha II, would live up to the agreement as the Turks were now facing a hostile Mongol horde on the north shore of the Bosphorus. The Turks will evacuate all troops from Cyprus starting tomorrow and have agreed not to send warships west of Crete without notifying the Royal Navy in advance. Total UKA casualties during the war included less than 300 fatalities, though they include the light cruiser HMS Admiral Ffolkes II. Turkish loss of life was very heavy. Turkish soldiers were reported by Marine survivors as brave but very poorly led. Tunisian auxiliaries are reported to have surrendered en masse with little show of resistance.

Admiral Lincoln will return home within several days to resume his post as Minister of Internal Security. Spokesmen for His Majesty King Patrick claim the king is extremely pleased with Admiral Lincoln, though unofficial sources claim the king feels the admiral pulled what the source called, "One of his typical grand standing stunts." It is also rumored that Admiral Lincoln will be awarded another Victoria Cross for his daring night landing and subsequent counter attack on the slopes of Mt. Rabat.

The Sardinian 185th Parachute Regiment performed magnificently during the battle according to Royal Marine officers. Captain James Selby said that "Without their aid, our gooses were cooked. Admiral Lincoln and the Sardinian paras really kicked ass." The Sardinians and the Royal Marine garrison have both been recommended for unit commendations by Admiral Lincoln.

(RP) - Rome. January 20. The Imperial Family announced today that Crown Princess Maria gave birth today to a health baby boy. Antonio Duncan Maria Orsini is second in line to the throne after his father Antonio. Crown Princess Maria is reported to have had a difficult time during the birth but is doing well. She is the only daughter of Admiral Duncan Keaton and was raised by her stepfather, King Patrick.

Beltaine Yelder, Trib Staff - Portland. January 1. Royal Army headquarters announced today that Maj. Gen. Patrick Knowles died last in his sleep at his field headquarters at Camp Simes, Southern Ohio. He was found the next morning by his orderly after seeming to be in good health. No signs of foul play were found and it appears to be natural. The body will be flown to Savannah Army Base Hospital for autopsy later today. Knowles was given command of the Guard Armored Division just two months earlier after a long and distinguished career. A close personal friend of King Patrick and his family, Knowles was a popular and respected officer.

Beltaine Yelder, Trib Staff - Portland, January 5. Royal Army officials announced today that an autopsy conducted on Maj. Gen. Patrick Knowles determined that he died of the bursting of a previously unsuspected aneurysm in his brain. His body was flown to Portland overnight in preparation for a state funeral to be conducted tomorrow at the palace. Knowles was involved in King Patrick's efforts to purge the Guard of politically questionable elements after the Applegate Affair and it is currently unclear as to what course the king will now take as a consequence. King Patrick will deliver the eulogy at 10:00am and a funeral cortege will progress through downtown to the National Cemetery. Interment will be at 3:00pm.

James Dougall, Trib Staff - Portland, January 28. The Imperial General Staff issued a preliminary plan to yet again reorganized the Royal Army, in what a spokesman call an ongoing plan to enhance the combat power of the army. Six new machinegun battalions are being raised to garrison strategic fortifications at Gibraltar, Malta, and Lahaina to prevent any repetitions of last month's surprise attack on Malta.

Infantry divisions are losing their anti-tank battalion headquarters, with their batteries being distributed to the infantry brigades. A reconnaissance cavalry regiment is being added to each of the infantry divisions, was well. Total increase in the army's manpower is expected to be about 5,000 men.

(RP) Rome. - January 18. A vast Mongol horde assaulted and destroyed the Bulgarian coastal city of Burgas. After having been besieged for nearly two weeks, the city was stormed early this morning. The garrison of local militia and a small number of regulars was almost totally annihilated, only the garrison commander, Major General Ascalante Fontanelli and a few aides escaped in a commandeered floatplane. The Mongols promised to exterminate every person in every city that resisted them in the Balkans, and it appears that they carried out this policy in Burgas.

In Rome, Caesar promised a swift and brutal retaliation for what he called a monstrous atrocity. He condemned the Sultanate of Adana's "simple minded policy of inviting in the Mongol wolf" to intervene in the Balkans and called for all European powers to unite to throw out the invaders. He also promised a court of inquiry into the performance of Fontanelli.

(RP) Rome. - January 25. The Roman War Ministry announced today that Burgas garrison commander Maj. Gen. Ascalante Fontanelli was shot by firing squad after being condemned by a courtmartial of cowardice and failure to do the utmost in the face of the enemy.

Letters to the Editor

January 10
Dear Trib, it really pisses me off that the king continues to support those murdering scum in the mid-West over his own people. They should be given the same choice my people were given in Louisiana when they came through my hometown: Convert or die. If they don't give up their horrible beliefs, they should be killed. If Patrick doesn't see this, maybe it is time we persuaded him that our way is the only way. John Bellman Rogers, President, Portland NAACP

January 14
Dear Trib, when we win a war, why do we always stop short of total victory so that we have to keep fighting the same people over and over again? Ronald Betz, MP (Christian-Portland)

January 22
Dear Trib, thank God we have King Patrick to watch over us. He saved us again in the Mediterranean. Anyone who disagrees with his policies is clearly a traitor. We know who you are. Lt. Col. Clyde Martinez, I/3rd Grenadiers, Portland.

January 30
Dear Trib, where do you dig up those wackos who write in to you? They are some weird dudes, and I should know because I'm one of the weirdest, myself, and I know weird when I see it. Bob "Chi-Chi" Schwartz, Manager, Won-Ton's Whoopie Parlor and Emporium, Portland.

January 1
Jennifer Ray Puro - 24

January 2
Anne Dolphin - 57
Cassius Attila Lincoln - 17

January 3
Miranda Cynthia Vandenbos - 23
Suzanne H. Waggoner - 36

January 4
Lauren C. Loucks IV - 10

January 5
Julian Grenville Campbell - 22

January 7
Michael A. Campbell - 27

January 8
Catherine Tuupo - 20
Louise Rickards - 49

January 9
Joseph A. Pratt II - 2

January 10
Richard F. Fuller, Jr. - 11

January 11
Catherine M. Arndt - 3
Anne Louise Topper - 62

January 15
Marissa A. Barnwell - 38

January 16
Alana Hulse - 34

January 17
Douglas R. Arndt - 13

January 18
Edith A. Johnson - 64

January 19
Carl Chavers Arndt - 24
Beltaine Linda Withey - 19

January 20
Antonio D. M. Orsini - Newborn
Catherine Williams - 14

January 21
Vladimir Borisov - 25

January 22
Theodora I. Cutting - Newborn

January 25
Theodore M. Campbell - 29 Elvis "The Traitor" Schmoe - 32 Rachel K. Steinman - 29

January 1
H.J. & Judy Cromett - 3
Peter & Peter Horwath - 3

January 6 Warren & Melissa Jaehning - 18

January 21 Martin & Adelina Pratt - 1

January 23 Lauren C. & Rachel Loucks - 35

January 24 Gerald & Louise Simes - 23

(RP) New Brunswick, GA. - January 3. Shawn F. Williams, grandson of Count Sergei Borisov, wed Kelli Anne Forrest of New Brunswick in the New Hope Baptist Church today. Williams, a lieutenant in the Royal Navy, met Kelli Anne while on duty as chief of staff of Captain Susan Beaty, commander of the Seas Islands Naval District. Kelli Anne worked as a civilian typist for the district headquarters.

Shawn is the son of Gerard F. Williams and Katarina Borisov and is a 2040 graduate of the Naval Academy. Kelli Anne is the daughter of Richard Forrest and Geraldine Powell.

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