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Monthly Wrap-up Edition
February 2046

NEW CRACK DOWN ON TRAITORS
PROMISED

Beltaine Yelder, Trib Staff - Portland, February 3. In a press release today, the Ministry of Internal Security warned groups seeking to undermine the stability of the kingdom that their unlawful activities would be ruthlessly suppressed in a new program intended to prevent a continuation of the political subversion that has plagued the UKA for the last several years. His Grace Vice Admiral Booker T. Lincoln of Joliet has refused all public comment on the new policy, only stating that everything would be done within the confines of the law. King Patrick, on his annual ski trip to the Southern Palace at Lake Tahoe, was unavailable for comment. Opposition leaders in Parliament have denounced the move as an attempt to suppress political liberties, rather than treasonous behavior. No change in the government's activity in dealing with subversion has been noticeable in recent days and it is unknown what form the new policy will take.

MP J.F. Schwarzenegger scoffed at the press release, saying, "Typical governmental scare tactics. It is just proof that we must change the way we do things on a fundamental level."

William F. Jones, Trib Staff - Portland. February 5. In a speech given before the National Association of Shippers, King Patrick forcefully declared that the UKA would continue to play an active role in European affairs. "Let there be no doubt on anyone's part, that we intend to live up to our treaty commitments in Europe. The Turks have recently learned to their cost that despite our heavy commitment of troops to the mid-West, we still have the power defend our European interests." It is believed that the rhetoric in the speech was aimed toward the Mongols. Reaction to the speech by the shippers was very favorable, shipping interests having feared that declining UKA military involvement in Europe would threaten their businesses due to the heavy demand on commercialshipping companies for transporting and supplying troops.

William F. Jones, Trib Staff - Portland, February 6. Top members of the Kennedy Democrats spoke out against a further commitment of resources to Europe, insisting that the treat of a renewed war with the Black Muslims was likely at that it was criminally irresponsible to strip the east coast's defense to protect Europe from the Mongols, what one spokesman described as a "band of primitive savages, who shoot bows and arrows." The general consensus was that if the Europeans were too incompetent to protect themselves from these people, they deserved to fall.

William F. Jones, Trib Staff - Portland, February 13. John Fitzgerald Schwarzenegger announced that he now headed the Democrat's shadow cabinet. He declared his hope that Duchess Julie's parliamental coalition would soon fall and that he and his party would be swept into power by the backlash against King Patrick's mid-West policies. He told this reporter: "It's not Patrick, you understand, it's his advisors. Duchess Julie, Admiral McDowell, Admiral Lincoln: they all are to blame for the morass we find ourselves in today. Get rid of them and we'll be able to end this wartime economy we have been stuck in for the last forty years. Peace is what we need now."

When asked about his party's recent denunciation of the king's European policy, given his family's close ties to many European noble houses, he replied: "They can do it themselves and they know it. They are just a bunch of whiners, propped up our tax money. They moment we pulled out, they would build their own defenses. We need something more than using Europe as the dumping ground for the House of Dolphin's unwanted friends and relatives.

James Dougall, Trib Staff - Portland, February 28. The Imperial General Staff issued a preliminary plan to yet again reorganize the Royal Army, in what a spokesman called an ongoing plan to enhance its combat power. Six new machine gun battalions are being raised to garrison strategic fortifications at Gibraltar, Malta, and Lahaina, to prevent any repetitions of last month's surprise attack on Malta.

Infantry divisions are losing their anti-tank battalion headquarters, with its batteries being distributed to the infantry brigades. A small reconnaissance cavalry regiment is also being added to each of the infantry divisions to give the division an effective scouting capability. Total increase in the army's manpower is expected to be about 5,000 men.

(RP) Hyannisport. - February 28. In a large and very elaborate ceremony today, Arnold Kennedy Schwarzenegger, age 31, married Princess Natasha Amalia of East Poland, age 16. The prominent society playboy and former legislator of the New England United States Senate, told reporters that the wedding was a love match between himself and the princess. The bride declined comment, and sources close to the Kennedy family told this reporter that she does not speak English. The couple speak to each other in Italian.

Arnold is the son of former New England USA President John Fitzgerald Schwarzenegger and his first wife, socialite Karen Halston. Former President Schwarzenegger and his fourth wife Antonia Kennedy attended, along with the groom's brother, Fitzgerald. The groom's mother declined to attend, publicly announcing that she preferred not to see the grooms father ever again, and did not particularly like her son, either. The bride's father was unable to attend the wedding due to reasons of state. Her mother, Maria Amalia of Hungary did attend.

Sources speculate on the real reasons for the match. While the bride is spectacularly beautiful, questions have arisen about how the couple met. Officials of the Ministry of External Security were consulted, but declined to give public comment on the affair. Privately, one official admitted to be confused and surprised by the motives for the wedding. "We had no idea it was coming," he said. "However, East Poland is known to have fallen under the domination of the Mongols. We'll have to keep an eye on this matter."

(RP) Juneau. February 11. The SS Arctic Eagle, a 2,000 ton wooden steamer ran onto a rock near the north end of Admiralty Island early yesterday. The Juneau Volunteer Lifeboat Service, later aided by Royal Navy Orca seaplanes from Ketchikan, rescued 97 people before being forced to discontinue rescue efforts due to worsening weather. Two volunteer lifeboatmen drowned when their boat capsized during the rescue. During the night, the ship broke up, and approximately 30 people are missing and presumed drowned. Fred Chandler, Speaker of the Alaska League Senate questioned the crown's dedication to safe navigation and search and rescue. He noted that only one cutter is assigned to cover an area from Unalaska to Ketchikan. The cause of the shipwreck is believed to be faulty a combination of navigation and poor watchkeeping. The ship's owner, the Great Atlantic and Pacific Steamship Company has declined all comment except for a promise to compensate the families of the victims of the wreck. The Royal Navy Coast Guard has promised an investigation.

(RP) Toulouse - February 24. Empress Heidi of France gave birth today to her seventh child, a son. The boy is the sixth in line to the imperial throne. He will be named Charlemagne Tiberius Harbuck II. Both mother and son are doing very well according to a palace spokesman. Emperor Charlemagne announced a national holiday next week to celebrate the blessed event.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

February 2. What is the government going to do about the beer shortage? I mean, politics and foreign relations are all very fine, but this is important. Do something for the people, guys, before you all find yourselves out of a job. Blutto Huge, Fun Guy About Town.

February 6. The Black Moslem problem must be dealt with soon. The king and his ministers can bury their heads in the sand for a while, but sooner or later, the government will fall over this issue, and we'll take office. David S. Barnes, Secretary/Treasurer of the Kennedy Democratic Party.

February 12. I'm sick and tired of the stores being empty of the things I want to buy. Maybe we need a few more furniture factories and a few less weapons factories? Debby Triunovic, an Angry Housewife.

February 15. We, the Town Council of Arras in Northern France, wanted everyone in Portland to know how much we have appreciated being allowed to join your mighty empire. Long live King Patrick, the Crown Princess Maureen, and the People of Portland!

February 25. The Mongol Hordes are threatening all remaining civilization in Europe. It is time for the people of the UKA to rally around their King Patrick in his quest to save Europe, and in the long run, the world, from conquest by the barbarians. We on the frontlines want you to know that we are risking all to save you. Now it is time for you to save us. Duke Istvan of Hungary, Chairman of the Carpathian League.

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