5 cents
Monthly Wrap-up Edition
March 2046
Beltaine Yelder, Trib Staff - Portland, February 27. In a press conference today, the king presented Major General Rachel A. Topper as commander of the Old Guard Armored Division, to replace Major General Patrick Knowles, who died suddenly last New Year's Day. Topper, 43, is currently holding the post of Inspector General of the Imperial General Staff. A lifelong resident of Portland she is unmarried and is the oldest daughter of the late Minister of Internal Security, Gary Topper.
James Dougall, Trib Staff - Portland. March 25. In an attempt to permit the rapid movement of troops to crisis points, the RAF has announced a major reorganization of the Military Airlift Command. The command, currently divided into five separate groups, will be combined into three wings. One wing, consisting of long-range CB-29A Eagle I and Dominator III transports, will be assigned trans-Atlantic duties, and is estimated to be able to carry five battalions of infantry, without their vehicles, at once. The other two wings will be assigned to the 82nd Airborne Brigade and 101st Air Assault Brigade, respectively, and can carry both brigades in their entirety at once, and can execute combat drops with them.
William F. Jones, Trib Staff - Portland, March 3. Duchess Julie Harbuck-Hornak, in a speech before the Portland Press Club, attacked recent statements by Democratic Party Leader John Fitzgerald Schwarzenegger. to the effect that King Patrick's newly announced "In Europe to Stay" policy was a plot by the Constitutional Monarchists for their own political interests. "This is all a stupid fabrication by the Democrats intended to divide and weaken our foreign friends in Europe so all the dozens of Kennedys married to European nobles feel more secure." She went on to enumerate all those Kennedy relatives. "If there has been a more cynical attempt to attack our international position, I do not know of it."
James Dougall, Trib Staff - Portland, March 11. The RAF issued new specifications for a transport aircraft capable of crossing the Atlantic non-stop with a Panzer IVH load. A representative for HARCO Aviation, Ltd. announced that his company planned to propose a modified Dumbo I to meet the specification. Keaton Aviation, Ltd. announced that it would propose a new design using the wings of the CB-29A Eagle I and a completely redesigned fuselage.
(RP) Rome. - March 25. The Roman XXXII Corps under Lt. General Bartolomeo Negri attempted to retake the Sofia area early in the month. The corps made excellent progress until it reached the western suburbs of the old, ruined city. During the night of March 20th, a Mongol cavalry horde launched a surprise attack on the 2nd Serbian Rifle Division guarding the corps' rear echelons and routed it. During the engagement, the Serbs lost over half their initial infantry strength, their two battalions of artillery, and the four battalions of the corps reserve artillery brigade. Lt. General Negri was killed along with five mistresses while asleep in his tent.
The commander of the VIIth Legion, Major General Armando Castellani took command the next morning. Unable to supply his forces, Castellani ordered a retreat. The VII and LXII Legions held together and retreated in good order, with the able assistance of the 1st Cavalry Brigade. The 93rd Tank Battalion ran out of fuel and abandoned 65 L3/33 tanks to the enemy. The demoralized Serbian division disintegrated during the retreat and scarcely a battalion worth of men made it across the Danube. The 220th Construction Brigade, formed from freed slaves, disappeared during the retreat, and according to some, defected to the Mongols. The corps reached the north bank of the Danube last night and crossed under the cover of darkness. This morning, the corps chief of staff told me that he estimated Roman losses to have exceeded 12,000 men. Enemy losses are unknown, but believed to have been "heavy."
(RP) Rome. - March 27. Furious with the ineptitude of the 2nd Serbian Rifle Division and 93rd Tank Battalion during the recent battle, Caesar Vittorio ordered both units to be decimated. Soldiers of these units were divided into groups of ten. After drawing lots, one man of each group was shot in the presence of the others. The executions were carried out by the Macedonian CCRR Police Reserve Brigade. Caesar then ordered the sentence to be read to all units in the Imperial Army. Both units have been removed from the army list, and the survivors have been combined into the Macedonian Penal Construction Brigade..
(RP) Rome. - March 27. In an attempt to improve the performance of his
forces in the Balkans, Caesar Vittorio removed the commander of the Army
of the East, Marshal Duke Emilio Palombini of Lucca and replaced him with
Marshal Count Douglas II Kennedy of Manfredonia. Simultaneously,
Armando Castellani was promoted to lieutenant general and given permanent
command of XXXII Corps.
(RP) Hyannisport. - March 12. In a large and very elaborate ceremony today, Fitzgerald Edward Schwarzenegger, age 28, married Annabella Darlene Judge of Juneau, Alaska, also age 28. Fitzgerald is a partner at the prestigious Hyannisport law firm of Kennedy, Smith, and Shriver. The bride is an associate of that firm.
Fitzgerald is the son of former New England USA President John Fitzgerald Schwarzenegger and his third wife, socialite Deborah Eccles. Former President Schwarzenegger and his fourth wife Antonia Kennedy attended, along with the groom's brother, Arnold. The groom's mother attended the ceremony, but was later evicted from the reception despite her son's protests when she threw a glass of champagne in her ex-husband's face. The bride's father is deceased, but her mother Delilah, daughter of Duke Todd of Juneau was present for the ceremony.
Unlike the wedding last month of his brother Arnold, Fitzgerald's choice of a bride has not led to any wild speculation's about Kennedy family motives, particularly since the couple is expecting their first child in June.
(RP) Juneau. March 12. The Royal Navy closed its investigation into the wreck of the SS Arctic Eagle. The 2,000 ton wooden steamer, sank off the north end of Admiralty Island, near Juneau, Alaska on the 10th of January. Despite the heroic efforts of the Juneau Volunteer Lifeboat Service, later aided by Royal Navy Orca seaplanes from Ketchikan, only 97 people were rescued before being forced to cease rescue efforts due to worsening weather. Two volunteer lifeboatmen drowned when their boat capsized during the rescue. During the night, the ship broke up, and approximately 30 people remaining on board the ship were drowned.
The Board of Inquiry, headed by Rear Admiral Richard S. Clay, Executive Officer of the Pacific Fleet, found that the single cutter assigned to Alaska waters makes adequate disaster response difficult, particularly in bad weather when seaplanes cannot operate safely. Inadequate maintenance of navigation aids was a significant factor to the wreck of the Arctic Eagle, as it appears the lighthouse at the north end of Admiralty Island was not in operation at the time of the wreck.
The board recommended that the government consider purchasing a larger fleet of cutters and allocating more personnel to the Juneau Naval District for navigational aids maintenance. It also recommended the courtmartial of Lt. Dillon Hanley, RN, for not adequately performing his duties regarding the supervision of lighthouse maintenance.
Alexandra Kent , Trib Staff. March 3. The 229th Georgia National Guard Brigade was mobilized for foriegn service by royal order, Field Marshal Darryl Kilroy announced today at a press conference in Savannah. While refusing to comment on the new duty station for the brigade, he did say the mission would likely be of long duration. Because of that, volunteers from all the Georgia National Guard were to be allowed to replace those members of the 229th unable or unwilling to serve overseas.
Beltaine Yelder, Trib Staff. March 3. John Fitzgerald Schwarzenegger moved for a resolution demanding the king cancel his appointment of Rachel Topper as commander of what he called "King Patrick's murderous goon squad." He pointed to the recent incidents in Joliet Province which implicated the Guards in several mass murders of innocent civilians and in a terrorist bombing aimed at Admiral of the Fleet McDowell. With the notoriously strict and ruthless Topper in command, he suggested, the Guard was clearly being prepared for a widespread and wholesale massacre of the king's political enemies.
Prime Minister Duchess Julie Harbuck-Hornak scoffed at Schwarzenegger's suggestions. "There is noone more honest, loyal, or law-abiding than General Topper. Her family has a tradition of strict loyalty and faith in the legal process unsurpassed by anyone. To imply that the king chose her to head the Guard to become a political killer is patently absurd." She further suggested that if anyone was to blame for terrorism, it was the Kennedy Family, "whose naked lust for power will stop at nothing."
James Dougall, Trib Staff - Portland, March 11. In a press release today,
the Royal Navy announced its list of ships to be completed this year. The
following ships are slated to be commissioned in 2046:
LST-7 Blue Fox (LST-1 Class)
LST-9 Bobcat (LST-1 Class)
SS-12 Hades (Erebus Class)
MTB-8 Jackson Five (MTB-1 Class)
MTB-9 Jethro Tull (MTB-1 Class)
MTB-10 Jefferson Airplane (MTB-1 Class)
Other vessels still under construction and their estimated completion dates
include:
Portland Navy Yard
CA-7 Admiral Ffolkes II (Phoenix II Class) - 2048
DD-36 Heather Loucks (1st of the Loucks Class AA Destroyers) - 2048
DD-37 A.J.P. Lightfoot (Loucks Class) - 2048
Fall River Navy Yard
BB-5 Queen Margaret (King Josh Class) - 2053
LST-8 Arctic Fox (LST-1 Class) - 2047
To be laid down:
LST-11 Ocelot (LST-1 Class) - 2047
Savannah Navy Yard
APA-3 Atlantic (1st of the Atlantic Class attack transports) - 2048
DE-1 Victory (1st of the Victory Class Destroyer Escorts) - 2048
DE-2 Constitution (Victory Class) - 2049
To be laid down:
LST-12 Jaguar (LST-1) - 2047
Cadiz Navy Yard
SS-13 Hel (Erebus Class) - 2047
To be laid down:
APA-4 Mediterranean (Atlantic Class) - 2049
Monterrey Navy Yard
No Vessels (Will probably build 2 MTB next year)
Ketchikan Navy Yard
LST-10 Cheetah (LST-1) - 2050
Juneau Navy Yard
Probably 1-2 MTB
Alexandra Kent , Trib Staff. March 20. The 229th Georgia National Guard Brigade left it's mobilization station at Columbus, Georgia today for Savannah. Approximately one third the brigade was allowed to exchange for volunteers before leaving Columbus. The ultimate station of the 229th has not been announced, though Field Marshal Darryl Kilroy has informed the brigade that its overseas duty will be of long duration.
Officers at the Savannah Navy Yard have told reporters that the brigade will embark beginning tomorrow morning. Troops of the brigade seem to be in high spirits.
March 2. The Lord will punish the king and his minions for their sins, as surely as the sun shall rise. Do your part in service to the Lord. John, Commander of the Knights of the Faithful.
March 7. The Lord demands that Rock and Roll shall never die! Render unto the producer what is the producer's, but render unto the King your eternal devotion. Elvis Lives! Bobby Franklin, Portland.
March 16. Send the damned Georgians to France and bring home the real UKA soldiers to face the Islamic hordes in the Midwest. That way we can get rid of two problems at once. Rita Barton, Portland.
March 23. Beer is the most important thing in life and we don't have enough of it anymore. I think that the king is hoarding it all for his own use. Demandsatisfaction. Blutto Huge, Fun Guy About Town.
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Mr. Ffolkes Goes to Portland is a revival of Leggy Mountbatten's classic production detailing the Alaska League's conquest of Portland in 2007, starring James Reynolds as Ffolkes, Kevin Morrell as Robert "Bush" Allen, Judith Watkins as Joanna Allen, and Gerard Frankel as Shawn Cromett. It is also noteworthy as Bettina Longoria's first American picture, where she plays the love interest for the villain, the evil Count Pacini, played by veteran stage actor Willard McKenzie.
This movie is an enjoyable action/adventure picture which garnered best picture and best leading actor awards at the Portland Film Festival in 2040. While the picture plays fast and loose with history, its lavish budget, massive battle scenes, and fast paced direction make one of the public's all-time favorites. Was the future Prime Minister Cromett six foot three and blonde? This reviewer doesn't think so. Despite this, Mr. Ffolkes Goes to Portland is a must see picture.
A Boy and His Sheep is a new film by noted Alaskan director Paul Stevens III. Starring thirteen-year-old Alexander Taggart as the adventurous shepherd, it chronicles a boy's attempts to deal with chronic intestinal problems and a band of mutant cannibals. Slow paced and overly graphic, this reviewer is grateful no theater chain has introduced Smell-O-Rama yet. Despite the non-stop toilet humor and what seems to be non-stop voice over narration spoken in a whining monotone, this movie is slightly better family entertainment than watching the ratfights behind Peterson's Bar and Grill, but not by much. Avoid it unless you have absolutely nothing else to do.